Thursday, July 24, 2014

My Week as a Weather Forecast

With Monday having been so wet with tears due to a strong westerly wind blowing in the direction of Home, Tuesday is shaping up with a downright shitstorm as predicted. Heat waves have been observed in the Office area, with periods of strong gusts of shit, soaking plans and ruining career prospects.

Expect little to no free time the rest of the week. You'll see a 99% chance of the baby pee in the bathtub, repeating Monday's deluge. Highs will be in the moments you share before your daughter poops her pants, with that poop being significantly more solid than the average seen in her diaper. Lows will be in the realization that you forgot to plan for your husband's birthday. See that birthday start to blow in on Thursday, without a chance of bringing gifts that arrive on time and make it look like you planned ahead.

Expect no chance of making it look like you have it together.

However, conditions may start to change as a sweet gesture from a mother-in-law brings dinner and clean floors to your area.
Shitstorms will taper off as we head toward the weekend and get to spend more time with family, though we may see an occasional turd in the bathtub.

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