Thursday, June 19, 2014

10 Things Every Pumping Mother Knows

1. Baby sleeping through the night is an amazing (and awful) thing.

2. Nursing bra pads are way too expensive.

3. Cloth nursing bra pads don't do shit.

4. Breastmilk baby poop is the best kind of baby poop.

5. Pumps are audible on the other end of the telephone. (Yes, hello? I'd like to accomplish 343,423,342 things while I'm sitting here pumping.)

6. Getting 5 ounces out of one boob in the morning is an amazing feeling.

7. Your boobs can easily be two cup sizes apart, depending on where baby last fed.

8. Laying down on your stomach is not fun in the morning. Oh, you thought that'd be good again after 9 months of abstaining while pregnant? Nah.

9. "Pump and dump" is bullshit. You're never going to get a good buzz on again. Ever. Remember when your bestie said, "I can't wait til we can drink wine together again like we used to!" Yeah, sorry.

10. It's all worth it, cause you're feeding baby (the good shit!) for free and getting little slices of privacy three times a day.

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